Beating a Geisha at Her Own Game

Meeting a geisha is hard. Beating one? Unheard of.

Some context. It's incredibly difficult to have an evening or experience with one of Kyoto's prized entertainers, the geiko (Kyoto term for geisha) and maiko (apprentice to geiko). A dinner for two can run up to more than $1000. And, you can't just book an evening with one, you must be or be invited by a member of the geisha house. This site provides a pretty accurate view into the challenges of curating an authentic experience as a tourist. It's hard.

What's more, ICYMI, Kyoto has been having a bit of a moment around geisha's privacy and protection. Late last month, in efforts to reduce the impacts of “tourism pollution,” Kyoto instituted a ban on photos taken in any of the side streets where geisha are known to frequent. The fine is a cool ¥10,000 (about $92 USD). This makes catching a snap of or selfie with a geisha basically impossible.

Luckily, I'm with Heather who knows pretty much every back and front door to any VIP experience there is and can make it happen within budget. So after some scouring, she found us a special evening at a tea house with a real maiko that was not cheap but included a Michelin-star bento box and more for roughly $500 for the two of us.

Also, a couple more important points to set the table before we get to my dinner in Kyoto.

Memoirs of a Geisha. If you read this as nonfiction, the joke’s on you. This book was written by a white American man (of course it was) who had based it (apparently) loosely on some conversations with a real geisha. But she was so incensed by the misrepresentations of the culture and her profession that she wrote her own book to set the story straight.

Unfortunately, hers didn’t make it into the movies.

Arguably the most important myth worth busting is in regards to the selling of virginity and sex. Culture Trip puts it best here: “Mizuage, a coming-of-age ceremony in which a patron paid a great sum of money to take a maiko’s virginity, did exist, but it was more of a courtesan’s tradition than a maiko’s. Traditionally, mizuage for maiko was a change in hairstyle that symbolized the girl’s next step to becoming a geisha. The practice of selling off a girl’s virginity in order to financially sponsor her was outlawed in 1959. It is also not the custom of a geisha to sleep with patrons who are regulars or who have a special relationship with her.”

On our walking tour of Kyoto and in anything else we saw or read, there was a vehement correction of this misconception, so I wanted to pass along the truth.

Nomenclature. Speaking of maiko... what is a maiko? We didn’t know before hitting Kyoto, so I don’t want to make any assumptions that you do. In Kyoto, there is an apprentice program for young women wishing to one day become geisha (which, as I mentioned, in Kyoto are actually called geiko). These apprentices called maiko are between the ages of 15-20. They are “adopted” by a geisha home and spend up to five years in intense training that also bans all technology (including phone use). It is not for the faint of heart and not everyone makes it from maiko to geisha, nor does everyone wanting to become a maiko get to (a house must sponsor her).

The Differences. Both maiko and geisha are considered professionals and are paid for their time. There are some easy ways, however, to tell them apart:

• Maiko are younger and intended to look and act as such, so you will see them in more colorful kimonos and behaving with a playful demeanor

• Unlike geisha, maiko do not wear wigs (that big ‘do is 💯 theirs), and the white makeup that both geisha and maiko wear stops at the hairline for maiko to show it is, in fact, their own hair

• Maiko wear platformed shoes that are intended to be more difficult to walk in, because what’s more youthful than the occasional stumble?

And there are many more nuanced differences, but you came here for the hits, so let’s get to that. Now that you’ve had a brief culture lesson, I can correct the title a bit (it was a maiko) and tell you the story.

Beating a Maiko at Her Own Game

We only spent two days in Kyoto, and on the evening of our first day, we had our maiko dinner experience. This included a dance performance, aforementioned Michelin-star bento box, social time, and a game. This game is advertised as fun for all, but it is notoriously hard to best the maiko (she is a trained professional, after all).

The food was simply divine, with only one surprise bad taste (that green thing I was hoping was pistachio pudding and saved it for last and quickly discovered it was not pistachio pudding but some unsavory savory jello-ish thing...).

After food and the free-flowing drinks were served, we started out the evening with some general Q&A with our maiko Nanoha where, combined with our individual time with her later, we learned about her...

• Hair (she gets it done once a week and has to sleep on a small wooden pillow under her neck not to mess up the 'do)

• Make-up (she does it herself, including the M on the back of her neck which she does with two mirrors)

• Schedule (training from 8:30 AM-12:30 PM every morning; a break from 12:30-4:30 PM for her to rest, eat, practice; after 4:30 PM getting ready for her evening and her own meal at 5:00 PM, entertaining from 6 PM - 1 AM, and a guilty pleasure of ramen before she goes to sleep)

• Vacation (very limited, she can go home to see family a couple of times a year)

• Decision to become geisha (she saw a documentary as a student and by 15 had made up her mind)

It was a once-in-a-lifetime evening where we got the same treatment and experience that even very few locals might have the chance to enjoy.

She then performed a typical maiko dance for us which represented the changing of the seasons.

And then, the game. It was a game of coordination, rhythm, and attention, a little bit like an accelerated version of patty cake and rock-paper-scissors with a prop. It was first demonstrated by our translator and Nanoha.

The premise: take turns touching or choosing to take the overturned bowl. If the bowl is on the table, you show an open hand. If the other player has the bowl, you tap with a fist. You can choose to take the bowl, but only for three consecutive turns.

She demonstrated the game a few times and then asked for volunteers. First was a man from Tennesee who did remarkably well but still lost. He had set the bar quite high. Then an Austrian man and a New Zealand man. Everybody received a practice round with her before their real turn.

Heather was the next to pop up and also did fantastically. You can see how fast the game becomes:

Unfortunately, she lost though, and, as this is a drinking game, was forced like the rest to drink a shot of sake.

I was standing by and taking photos/videos, but right after Heather, I was shuffled to the hot seat, though I wasn’t ready.

I was really nervous. I even said, "I'm nervous," nervously. I didn't expect to win, but I just didn’t want to lose right away.

So I took my practice round and failed (immediately). Like within three seconds I had messed up. This didn't bode well for my real attempt. But without much ceremony, the game started for real.

And, like a rare half-court shot to win $10,000, I did the unthinkable and beat the maiko at her own game. I was floored, excited, shaking, and still nervous. You can also see how shocked even she was.

I got to pour her sake (the gift for the loser that she had poured all previous contenders) and we clinked, kanpai’d, and drank ours together.

It was one of the most memorable and exhilarating moments of my life. I doubt I could recreate, but you just have to make that shot the one time it counts.

Here is the full video:

Also, upon further review, it looks like I employed a strategy to take the bowl whenever it was available to me. Definitely not premeditated.

The evening closed with some more banter and photographs with the maiko. Her interaction with Heather and me was actually quite adorable. She talked about how beautiful and tall Heather is and likened her to a model. She was also floored by Heather's age and had guessed her in her 20s. When I told her I felt bad for winning, she said she was so happy for me and that it was a great part of her evening, but that she wants me to come back so she can have a rematch and beat me convincingly next time.

Before she left, she bowed deeply to us to close the evening.

The evening ended with a humble bow (which apparently I thought prudent to replicate)

I maintained a sense of nervous excitement and awe for the rest of the night, trying to take in the experience as much as possible. (Whoops, so much that I accidentally FaceTimed a friend to regale her of my victory, only to realize it was 5 AM her time... D'oh.)

#westwardhoesgoeast