This is the End
- Jackie Endres
- Mar 22, 2020
- 8 min read
TL;DR: It’s not how we planned it, but we have made the difficult and depressing decision to return to the USA.
The Return
I can’t even trace back our “original” plan anymore, but our most recent one was to stay put in New Zealand, wait out the storm, be in a place where social distancing is easier than not. But then things kept escalating. Warnings to return home or risk being stuck. Our host in Auckland canceling our place. Borders closing on all our future destinations. Cases slowly rising in New Zealand. Places like Hobbiton getting shut down just days after our own visit. And, we had a dear friend with a health scare back home that made the oceans and miles between us and our loved ones feel unbearable.
So, we gave ourselves one week to grieve and to leave and booked a flight back to Oregon for March 27th. (Due to the time change, we actually land before we depart, making returning to the USA feel like taking a step back in time for more than one reason.) It really hasn’t been easy to grapple with shaving two-thirds off our trip. We both know that we are among the most fortunate people for so many reasons—from where we are, to what we’ve been able to do, to our health and financial situations at the moment—but, we also are experiencing a loss and a lot of uncertainty so we are trying to create the right space for ourselves and each other to process it all.
We’ve had to come to terms with the universe that we were once almost going to touch that may now be closed to us indefinitely. From excitement over the little things (like one of our flights on a double-decker plane) to the really big things (like spending two months traveling throughout Africa with visitors from home), realizing the scale of our own loss hasn’t been easy. But grieving and processing it all has been cathartic, and of course given us great empathy for the rest of the world who are dealing with greater loss (lives, jobs, security, safety at work, and more).
So, we cried for ourselves and the rest of the world and now we are working on moving on.
The Plan-ish
The place: We have our sights set on a place in Bend, OR that we will book once we board our flight home. (We haven’t booked it yet because things have been changing so rapidly we can’t deal with another emotional--or economic--cancellation shock.) We are afraid of the runs that have been happening on grocery stores so we bought a few staples here and an extra suitcase in which to bring our tuna and six rolls of toilet paper home.
The car: We are toying with a rental car, and are currently thinking of getting one for the first few days to settle in and then return it while we stay at home with the rest of America and await the next instructions. The place we are renting 🤞 comes with bicycles, so provided we aren't banned from using that as a mode of transport, we think that will suit us for our short-term travel needs
What’s next: We’re still trying to determine if this is the end or a break. So much is up in the air. When will borders reopen? How long can we wait to see before we start looking for jobs? How long will it take us to find jobs in the new economy? How bad will it get before it gets better? To avoid heartache, we are just taking it one day at a time, staying away from the news as much as possible, and keeping an open mind for opportunities that will float our way over the next few months.
How to Cope
We are not the only two people on the planet whose lives have been disrupted by the pandemic. This we know, and the feeling is strangely comforting. It’s ironic that a virus that makes us all spend our time apart has also served to unify and connect us on this shared experience. For that reason, Heather and I want to offer to you all some of the things that are keeping us afloat. (Oh, and we get nothing from this except the joy that sharing joy brings.)
Stuff we are enjoying right now:
Our favorite podcasts: Stuff You Should Know (SYSK) and Pop Culture Happy Hour (PCHH). SYSK has a fun and easy, yet educational, take on things we ought to know about like chopsticks, coyotes, ice climbing, and exclamation points! They use simple language and sometimes toss insults like dumdum and poopoo which is incredibly endearing. PCHH provides a thoughtful in-depth review on all things pop culture: music that's not being played at SXSW, the obscure indie flicks, top Netflix shows you're not watching right now, and--believe it--reality TV like Love is Blind. Both shows are well-produced with intelligent, articulate hosts, and really fun and informative content. (By the way, on a pre-COVID episode, when handling a letter from a reader, the hosts of SYSK talk about the spread of syphilis during the time of Lewis and Clarke, and how the colonials blamed it on the Native Americans and vice versa. Before their time even, when France and Italy were at war, the Italians cleverly called syphilis the "French Disease" and the French called it the "Neopolitan Disease." You can't make this stuff up.)
Our favorite sleep aid: No drugs here. Just the wizard Tara Brach. This is a bit of a cheat because this is also a podcast, but we are simply recommending her sleep episodes (her others are great, but please don't accidentally click the healing trauma episode like I did the other night when you really are trying to get shut-eye). There are four durations: 6 minutes (Apple, Spotify), 12 minutes (Apple, Spotify), 14 minutes (Apple, Spotify) and 18 minutes (Apple, Spotify). We've only used the Apple version but recognize people have non-Apple phones. If you have neither iPhone nor Spotify, here is her website where you can download them. I swear, she is a wizard. We never make it to the end of her meditation before crashing.
Our favorite non-perishable: This tuna. I don't think you can get in in the US, so we are extra bummed to be leaving it behind (what doesn't fit in our suitcases), but it is glorious. (Not even, "glorious, for tuna," just glorious.). The confluence of flavors, the perfect level of olive oil that shames your mayonnaise thoughts, and the petite snack-sized cans make this the perfect go-to flavorful snack or double down for a meal.
Our favorite healthy snack: Carrots and seaweed. The carrots here are really very yummy. And the salt of a crispy seaweed snack gives a chip-like satisfaction.
Our favorite "healthy" snack: Dates with nut butter. Go ahead, take a knife and slice that date into a hot-dog bun, remove the seed, and fill it with nut butter. You're welcome.
Our favorite comfy clothes: AviatorNation anything. (But we also just bought some new sweats from a surf shop here and these Hurley corduroy sweatpants are no joke.)
Our favorite way to stay in touch: Texting, FaceTime, Zoom, and all other modes are great. But our favorite way to connect with friends and family is Marco Polo. This app (available at the App Store and Google Play) has helped us to shorten the distance between us and our loved ones. Send a video message that's stored to the cloud to your friend or group of friends. They can watch it live or at their leisure and respond in kind. Because it's in the cloud, it's not taking up all the space on your phone. And you don't have to wait for the other party to be available (a la FaceTime) in order to connect on your side.
Our favorite resource for staying sane and in love: Traveling around the world is hard for many reasons, and not the least of which is the interpersonal struggles that arise when thrust into a 24/7 routine with someone (even your most favorite person). We honestly wouldn't have gotten through it if we hadn't invested in ourselves and our relationship through therapy and coaching. The best resource and bang for the buck we found is Sue Paige Coaching. She called us on all our B.S., loved us through the hardest times, and helped us to grow into the partners and people we are today (better than ever). If you are struggling with being thrust with people you (are supposed to) love, reach out (847-478-1088). She does free 30 minute consultations, too, so you can get a feel for whether she can really support you.
Our favorite free-time activities: NYT Crossword Puzzle App, Annual Subscription to MasterClass, lifetime subscription to Rosetta Stone App, and playing games like Would You Rather?
Our favorite tools for staying active: Running out the door while we still can, best hiking in the world with AllTrails Pro, StretchIt for flexibility goals, and what we call a "Jackie Workout Plan," or creating a tough circuit workout for us to suffer through. (If you want me to build one for you, shoot me a note.)
Our favorite trash TV: Somehow while in a hotel room at the beginning of our journey--two women who don't watch much TV, and certainly not trash TV--got sucked into Jenny and Sumeet's struggle on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way. With a mix of drama and heart, this show ended up sinking its teeth into us it until the finale aired when we were in Japan. It's been a while, but months later in Australia, we were getting our nails done and Married at First Sight: Australia was on the TV. It looked interesting enough and like a good replacement, so Heather downloaded the season on iTunes. However, we accidentally downloaded the Married at First Sight: US version. We were first bummed about it but realized that it is less trashy and with a lot more heart than its Aussie counterpart, and so every week we've been watching one new 90-minute episode as we unwind from our long days. With quotes like, "It can't just be me eating breakfast all the time," and, "When in Rome, you eat the food you buy," this is a cannot miss, fairly tame reality drama. (If you're like us you will misname it enough times with another reality show until it becomes "Married and Afraid," perhaps a truer title anyway.) Our one complaint is that they have never had a queer couple on and gender roles are still roley, which feels pretty outdated anymore.
Our favorite books: We recently finished two audiobooks together: The Nickel Boys, by Colston Whitehead (it's real heavy, so maybe save for a happier time) and Malcolm Gladwell's Talking to Strangers (this really needs to be the audiobook version--have you ever heard MG speak?). Heather recommends Exhalation, by Ted Chiang. A compilation of short stories about a variety of existential concerns like our relationships, place in the universe, and concept of time. Also, funnily enough, I'm attempting for the fourth time in a few years to finally finish Nicholas Nassim Taleb's The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, the only physical book I still have with me on this trip. Though COVID-19 isn't actually a black swan, because, quite frankly, with increased globalization a global pandemic was foreseeable, finishing this book in one of the only countries in the world with actual black swans while we endure a gray rhino does seem fitting.
The Roller Coaster Continues
If you've read this far, you're being rewarded with an up-to-the-minute update from us. While Heather took the computer to add her book review, and I thought about my closing paragraph, we got emails informing us that New Zealand is raising it's COVID-19 alert to Level 3 immediately, and to Level 4 in just over 24 hours for the next four weeks. What does this mean for us? We will be in lockdown state now, with only essential businesses open (unlike some cities in the U.S., restaurant takeaways are included in the closures). What's more, the risk of our flight being canceled on Friday is more real than ever.
Stay with us.
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